Funny Little Socks Read online

  THE FAIRY WISH.

  ONCE upon a time there lived a little old man, with his little old wife,in a little old house that ran on wheels. Did you ever? Well, I neverdid.

  The reason why the little old house ran on wheels was, that the littleold man used to keep a monkey show in it, and drove it about for acaravan; with an old white horse, that had a blind eye, to draw it; butnow the monkeys were all dead and buried, and the little old man andwoman lived all alone-ty-donty. It had bright green blinds, bright redsides, a bright blue door, and bright yellow steps. On the bright bluedoor there was a bright brass knocker, which was polished up at such arate that you could see your face in it, looking as l-o-n-g as anything;and underneath that was a bright brass door plate, with the oldshowman's name, "Timmy Timmens," on it, which was also polished up untilyou could see your face in it, looking as b-r-o-a-d as anything. Did you_ever_? Well, I _never_ did!

  Inside there was a rag carpet of all the colors of the rainbow; a littleold four-post bedstead, with a patchwork counterpane; two high-backedrocking chairs, with patchwork covers over the backs; a table with anoil cloth cover, that had a little old tea tray on it, set up againstthe wall; two bright brass candlesticks, and a china tea set; and in onecorner was a glass cupboard, which contained the other plates anddishes. Hung against the wall over the mantlepiece was a sampler workedby Mrs. Timmy Timmens when she was a girl, which represented Noah's ark,with all the animals, of exactly the same size, done in cross stitch, insuch bright grass-green worsted that it quite set your teeth on edge tolook at it. Besides these, there was a little round stove, with a longstove pipe, that came out on top of the caravan, and ended with aflourishing weathercock, representing a fat old woman in a high gale,with her umbrella turned inside out; which moved when the smoke camepuffing up harder than usual, and had no connection whatever with anywind that blew.

  Now, Mr. Timmy Timmens and his wife, being mighty simple old people,were fond of reading fairy stories, and believed entirely in every wordof them. They hadn't the smallest doubt that sprites and fairies were ascommon as peas this very minute, and would have thought it quite amatter of course if a wonderful gift had suddenly tumbled down the verystove pipe, or a beautiful lady come bursting through the wall, andoffered to carry them off to fairy land in a mother-of-pearl chariot,drawn by milk-white doves. If a cat looked hard at her and mewedpiteously, the little old woman would sigh, "Well, this _is_ fairy work,I'll bet a crooked sixpence! She looks like an enchanted princess, poorthing! don't she, Timmy, dear?" If a donkey brayed louder than usual,and seemed more obstinate than ever before, the little old man wouldexclaim, "There, I told you so! an unfortunate young man, of surpassingbeauty, enchanted in this dreadful shape by a wicked fairy! That's plainto be seen! No wonder he utters such cries of distress!" and then theyboth groaned together, and waggled their heads, and blew their noses soexactly in time with two yellow silk pocket handkerchiefs, that peoplethought two fishmen must be blowing their horns at once. Did _you_ever? Well, _I_ never did!

  THE OLD MAN AND WOMAN LOOKING FOR FAIRIES.]

  One fine morning the little old man and woman went out to take a walk onthe common; for the house stood right beside the road, in an empty fieldof scrubby grass, with no fence round it. Just behind the house, to besure, was a paling, which enclosed a garden about as big as a good-sizeddining table, where the little old man and woman grew one or twocabbages, two or three tomatuses, three or four potatuses, and four orfive radishes, for their own eating; but all the rest was just opencommon. The old woman had a large basket in her hand, all ready to popdown over any fairies she might see lying asleep in a bluebell, and theold man was leaning heavily on his stick, as he was rather feeble, and,besides, had the rheumatism in his big toe.

  "Dear me, Timmy," said the old woman, "what a good thing it would be,now, if we could only find a kind fairy who would move our house for ussomewhere nearer the village. Now that poor old Dobbin is dead--killed,I've no doubt, by a wicked enchanter--we can no longer get around fromplace to place without stirring a step from the house; and we are so faraway, that we can't walk over to take tea with any of our neighbors. Dolet us keep a sharp lookout as we walk along, and see if we can't finda fairy ring or a fairy flower."

  "With all my heart!" said Tim; and so they tottered along, peering veryhard into all the bushes, and hurrying to examine every little patch ofgrass that looked greener and brighter than the rest, in the hope thatit was a fairy ring. All at once, the little old man stopped short, andpointed with his stick at a beautiful spray of foxglove.

  "There!" cried Mr. Timmens.

  "Where?" cried Mrs. Timmens.

  "Right before your eyes!" said the little old man. "Don't you see it? Afairy foxglove, as my name is Timmy Timmens!"

  "My goodness gracious, stars, and what's-his-names!" cried the littleold woman; "so there is! as sure as my name is Polly Timmens!"

  So the little old man and woman hurried up to the flower, and aftertrying a great many times to stoop down, making their old joints cracklike so many torpedoes, Mrs. Polly succeeded in plucking it, and offthey went, pell-mell, hurry-scurry, to the little old house that ran onwheels, to consult their fairy story books, and see what was the rightthing to be done in such a case! _Did_ you ever? Well, I never _did_.

  Down sat the little old man in _his_ rocking chair with the patchworkcover, and down sat the little old woman in _her_ rocking chair withthe patchwork cover; and after a long consultation of the "Sorrows ofPrince Popinjay," and the "Wonderful History of the Princess LillieBulero and the Fairy Allinmieyeo," they discovered that the proper wayto do was to hold the fairy foxglove in your hand exactly as the clockstruck twelve, at noon, and say

  "Rorum corum torum snoram, Highcum tickleme cockolorum!"

  seven times; then shut your eyes tight and wish, stand on one leg andturn round three times, and, presto! you would find, when you openedyour eyes, that your wish was accomplished!

  "Dear me!" cried Mrs. Polly Timmens when her husband had finishedreading this wonderful charm; "how lucky it is that we should be theones to find the fairy foxglove! just as we were wishing, too, forsomething of the sort. Let me see, it is half past eleven now, Ideclare! Timmy, my dear, I'll go into the garden and gather two or threetomatuses and three or four potatuses for dinner, for it would be ashame to leave our fine vegetables behind; and then, as the clockstrikes twelve, we'll try the fairy spell, wish that our house was inthe village, and see what comes of it."

  So the little old woman, taking a small basket off a nail, and a sharpknife in her hand, went into the garden to gather the vegetables. Downshe plumped beside the bed, and began to dig and cut at the potatusesto get them up. Her back was turned to the house, and the tall stalksand thick leaves of the tomato bushes quite hid it from her view whenshe sat on the ground, for she was a teeny-tawny little old woman. Whileshe was thus engaged, the little old man was sitting inside with thebook open in one hand, for fear he should forget the charm, and thefairy foxglove tight in the other, waiting impatiently for her return.The hands of the clock kept getting nearer and nearer to twelve, and atlast there was only one moment wanting to the time.

  "Why, goodness gracious me!" cried Mr. Timmy Timmens; "has Polly forgotall about the fairy wish? I declare, I have a great mind to beginalone." Just as he said these words, the clock began to strike! and atthe same moment a tremendous hullabaloo arose on the road. "There comethe fairies!" squeaked the little old man; and without waiting anothersecond, he stood straight up in the middle of the floor, and said, in atrembling voice:

  "Rorum corum torum snorum, Highcum tickleme cockolorum!"

  seven times over; then, shutting up his eyes as tight as possible, stoodon one leg, and cried, "Please, good fairy, Polly and I wish our housewas in the middle of the village!"

  Hardly had he said these words, than a long red object, that lookedwonderfully like a cow's tail, suddenly whisked in at the half opendoor; the wind caught the door, and shut it to,
slam! bang! and with ajerk that made the bright brass knocker give a tremendous double knockon the bright blue door, and sent the bright tin saucepans scattering inevery direction, the house started suddenly down on the road on adouble-quick trot! Did you EVER?! Well, I NEVER did!!

  It happened that a large drove of cows and oxen were going down tomarket that day, and being very hot, and tired, and thirsty, theynaturally objected to being driven in that way any longer, and commencedcutting a variety of capers that were enough to frighten you out ofyour wits. At last one irascible little bull, who had been riding on theother ones' backs, charging at all the innocent ducks, geese, and pigshe could find on the road, and finally had tossed one of the men whowere driving him right up in the air, dashed on ahead, and, seeing thelittle