Funny Little Socks Read online

water, missis.

  MRS. M. Oh! it's all over the carpet! How dare you, Toby?

  TOBY. Why, missis, you _told_ me to put down de _water_!

  MRS. M. Oh, I shall go distracted!

  MR. MORRIS. Come, sister, I 'spect you'd better go home and send forDoctor Bumpstead! Maybe he can fish up your eyes again, and stick themin right side out. A--h! good-by, Miss Isabella, good-by, Mrs. Montague!

  ALL THE DOLLS IN CHORUS. Good-by, a--h!

  "Oh! did ever anybody have such a funny play before!" cried Lina, fairlydropping Miss Morris, and clapping her hands with delight. "I meanalways to play in this way."

  "Yes, it is so nice!" said Minnie. "But, come, Lina, how shall we dressMiss Isabella to get married?"

  "Oh, she has a wedding-dress all ready," replied Lina; "white silk withlace over."

  "Splendid!" cried both the sisters.

  "Now, if Mr. Morris could only have a plain suit, he would look so muchmore like a bridegroom."

  "Well, perhaps sister will make him one," said Lina; "but what shall wedo with poor Miss Morris?"

  The recollection of Miss Morris's mishap set them off again laughing;and finally they decided that she might come to the wedding, but mustkeep her handkerchief to her eyes all the time, as if she were quiteovercome by having her brother married; as well she might be, for howwould her two holes instead of eyes compare with Miss Isabella BelmontMontague's charms?

  This point settled, Lina and her little visitors were just beginning toreview the other dolls, to see who would look best at the wedding, whena knock came at the door, and in walked Mary, Lina's nurse, to say thatMinnie and Maggie were sent for!

  "Oh, what a pity!" cried Lina. "I wish you could stay all day, and allnight, and all the rest of the time. It's too bad!"

  "Oh, that the afternoons were forty-'leven times as long!" said Maggie."Well, we must go, I suppose. Good-by, Lina; we'll come Mondayafternoon, if mamma will let us; and finish the play."

  So the children kissed each other, and Minnie and Maggie were bundled upin their warm coats and hoods, and went home. As soon as they were gone,Lina ran to her sister Alice with Mr. Morris, and begged her to make hima suit of black to get married in, as Miss Isabella had expressed herpreference for that style of dress. Alice kindly promised she would, andthat very evening she hunted up some black cloth that was left from acloak of her mother's, and in a few hours Mr. Morris was rigged out inthe last style of fashion. Here is his carte de visite, taken in hiswedding clothes. You see, the photograph man left his own hat on thetable by mistake; doesn't it look funny?

  Portrait of Mr. Morris.]

  It was past Lina's bedtime before Mr. Morris was completely dressed; butshe was allowed to sit up "just this once," and when he was finished,she kissed Alice a great many times, carried him off in triumph, andshut him up tight in a box, for fear his clothes should get tumbled.

  Monday afternoon, Minnie and Maggie came again, bringing with them adear little wax doll of Minnie's, and a great paper of sugar-plums, to"play party" with. When Mr. Morris had been sufficiently admired in hisnew clothes, the children collected the other dolls, and put theMontague family in their house again. Mr. Montague was left all alone inthe parlor to receive the company, and the ladies were up stairs in thefront bed room. Miss Isabella's wedding dress was spread out on theelegant French bed, all ready for her to wear; and as it is a well-knownfact that a fashionable lady cannot possibly get dressed in less thanthree hours, the time was put at nine o'clock, as the wedding would takeplace at twelve.

  Lina then began the play:

  MRS. MONTAGUE. Come, my dear, it is time for you to dress; you've onlygot three hours to get all ready in.

  MISS ISABELLA. Yes, mamma, I am putting on my shoes now. (That is,Maggie was putting them on.) Oh, dear! they are a great deal too tight!they hurt me _dreadfully_. Please let me take them off.

  MRS. M. No, they are not; they are a beautiful fit; don't be silly,Isabella.

  ISABELLA. I think you are real mean! There, they are on; now I must puton my dress.

  Here Maggie made her stand up, and Lina put on her dress and fastenedit.

  ISABELLA. Oh, my! what a beautiful dress! Can't I keep it on all thetime, mamma?

  MRS. M. Why, no; of course not! This is your wedding dress.

  ISABELLA. Well, then, I mean to get married over again next year, so Ican wear it some more.

  MRS. M. Now I must put on your veil, my dear, and then you will be allready.

  Here Maggie clapped her hands to express Miss Isabella's joy, while Linaput on the veil.

  ISABELLA. Oh, how pretty I look!

  MRS. M. Don't be vain, Isabella. There, you are dressed; sit down now,while I get ready.

  So Miss Isabella sat down with her new frock sticking out all aroundher, like a perfect balloon, a most magnificent creature to behold! Herdress was made of white silk, trimmed all round the bottom with deepblonde lace, which was finished at the top with narrow silver cord. Itwas looped up on one side with a bouquet of white flowers, with silverleaves, and her waist was covered with a blonde lace bertha, and had abouquet of the same flowers on the front, called a _corsage_. She wore alace veil and a wreath of orange blossoms, and in her hand, tied fastthere, was another large bouquet, and a lace-bordered pockethandkerchief. As to Mrs. Montague, she was hardly less splendidlyattired, in a mauve silk with eleven flounces, a lace collar andsleeves, and a superb diamond breastpin--made of glass.

  Well, dear me, I don't know how I can find room enough to describe allthe splendid ladies that came to the wedding. They were none of themquite as elegant as Miss Isabella Belmont Montague, but they all had ontheir Sunday-go-to-meeting, Fourth-of-July, Christmas-and-New-Year'sbest clothes, and looked as fine as fiddles. Poor Miss Morris came, withher handkerchief up to her eyes, and stayed so all the time, crying asif her heart would break, I presume. She was so dismal, in her old greenbarege, that Minnie kindly dressed her in Mrs. Montague's purple silk,which fitted her quite well; so she didn't look so _very_ bad, afterall. Aren't you glad? I am.

  Pretty soon in came the minister, who was no other than Angelina! as herblack nun's robe was the most like a gown that could be found; and whenshe was set up with her back against the centre table, the parlor dooropened, and in marched the bride and bridegroom. Minnie and Maggie heldthem in their proper places, and the minister married them in rhyme;which, it strikes me, was a new style. This was what he said:

  "Now you're married, you must obey; You must be true to all you say, And live together all your life; And I pronounce you man and wife!"

  When the marriage ceremony was over, the children set Mr. and Mrs.Morris down side by side on the sofa, and leaving them to entertain thecompany, and talk for themselves if they could, got the supper ready.It was such a grand supper that they were obliged to have a table fromup stairs besides the dining table. Everything in the box of eatableswas brought out, even the roast beef and buttered toast, two dishes notordinarily seen at suppers. The sugar-plums were disposed aroundwherever room could be found, and when everything was ready, Minnie tookToby to the parlor door and made him say:

  TOBY. Ladies and gentlemens, please to come to supper, Plum cake, and cream cake, and white bread and butter.

  Up jumped Mr. Morris in such a violent hurry that he nearly tumbledover, and offered his arm to his bride; which Minnie made him do bybending it round, and pinning his kid hand fast to his waistcoat.Maggie and Lina made the rest of the company walk after them inprocession, as fast as they could lift them up; and they all pranced andparaded round by the back of the house into the dining room. Only poorMiss Morris was left out, and she had tumbled off her chair, and waslying behind the piano, on the top of her head, with one leg stickingstraight up in the air like an awning post, and the other footapparently boxing her ears, as it was turned back in a mostextraordinary manner, till it touched her head.

  Meanwhile, there were fine times going on in the dini
ng room. Mr.Montague took the foot of the table, and the bride and groom the head.As soon as they were all seated, Mr. Montague said:

  MR. MONTAGUE. Ladies and gentlemen, don't you think we'd better drinkthe bride's health? Here, Toby, give the company some wine glasses.

  MRS. M. Dear me, ladies, what a pity! there's only six goblets; so therest will have to drink out of teacups!

  ALL THE DOLLS (or all the three little girls, whichever you please). Oh,never mind; that doesn't make any _difference_.

  MR. MONT. The bride, ladies and gentlemen!

  ALL THE DOLLS. Mrs. Morris! hurray! hurree! hurror!

  MRS. M. Now, Isabella, it's time for you to change your dress, my dear.You are going travelling, you know.

  ISABELLA. Oh, what a pity! I don't want to take it off a bit!

  But, of course, she had to. It